I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
