Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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