I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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