why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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