Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
