Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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