Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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