She's JV to your varsity
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
