Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
