Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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