You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
