he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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