Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
