walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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