Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Holy shit dude........stairs
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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