I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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