I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
