??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
