alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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