it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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