So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize