The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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