It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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