I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
