dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
