omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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