it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
