in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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