I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
