the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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