Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
