she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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