i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
