Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
