Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
