Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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