I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
