HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Randomize
