I'm pants shitting drunk right now
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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