Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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