u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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