You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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