I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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