Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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