he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
