The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
