Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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