i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
