Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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