Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
