OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
