he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
