so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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