it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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