I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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