Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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