Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I stole a fireplace last night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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