I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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