How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
