If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
