"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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