You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
