So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
